Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
