his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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