Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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