2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Still dying that you shit outside
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
