WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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