remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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