we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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