I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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