dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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