I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
