My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
People in love make me want to vomit
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
