spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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