barbara walters just said penis...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
