id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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