I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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