he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
