apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
