is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
