I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
