no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
