Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize