There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
