I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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