I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
