i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
