I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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