It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
