Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
