My underwear smells like fireworks.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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