Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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