How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
