Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
