Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
