He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
NoShamevember. You game?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
