Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
