I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
