i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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