You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
