Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
