Non-Jews are for practice
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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