i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
