Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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