I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
