So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize