I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
