Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
