No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
