after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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