I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
