Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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