Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
