he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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