She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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