whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
