I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
