The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize