oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
