10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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