Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
