remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
