I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
