would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
