Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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