my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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