I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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