1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
