It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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