I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
