You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
