ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
