she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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