Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
